Week 9

The Whore in Me

I can feel the little hairs on the back of neck stand and send shivers down my spine; he is eyeing me, staring me up and down, I am aroused and enticed all from his very presence. The power he has and doesn’t even realize it; the control I lose when tempted by him - every fiber of my being fights to resist his calls to me. I’m able to walk away…this time.

***

Katahdin was my goal this summer and I hurdled each boulder up Abol with enthusiasm and excitement (ok…some sweat too); I’ve worked hard to condition my body for this climb and I’m not stopping here . Battling weight my entire life, a year and a half ago, I stood 5’1 and morbidly obese (or so I was told by my doctor). My squat frame tipped the scales beyond the 230 mark; I was waddling my way into our family tradition of diabetes, high blood pressure and other various weight problems. Change was mandatory.

Yet change was not always easy. Mike walked out of G & M variety with a dozen jelly and creams from Dunkin Donuts, I sighed and asked him, “why do you not want me to lose weight?”

“You will become a whore.” he said and handed me a glazed goodie. I rolled down my window and chucked it out; my will power was not always this strong but his comment had set my mood.

In fact, it inspired me…inspired to waltz into Bangor’s Goodwill to look for some new clothes. It’s taken about 18 months, 48 krav and fit classes, 96 karate lessons, over 260 miles biking Hancock county, multiply hikes through Acadia and endless trips to the YMCA to drop about eighty pounds - going from a tight 24 to a 20 to 16... and now my 16’s were hanging; I needed something new.

Fresh off Katahdin, my legs were looking hot, so I decided to stroll through the skirts. I happened across a little mini skirt; chuckled as I lifted the size 8 and thought this will never cover my booty but, inspired my Mike’s comment, it came with me to the dressing room. I couldn’t believe it, shocked and amazed, I had found me a whore skirt and….damn I looked pretty good in it!

***

Regardless of where I went the thought of him followed me; I tried to tune him out forget about the luscious vision I had of him. I’ve always liked the big, dark, black ones but how could I do this - to my family, to myself; I could not let my desires overtake me. Yes, I wanted him - I wanted to experience all he had to offer; let him sooth me, let him waltz with me, let him fill me…

The agony was almost unbearable, it was a yearning beyond comprehension - like when you’ve held your breath too long or your so afraid - that dizzy feeling that comes is just what I was experiencing. Lightheaded and stirred up, he beckoned to me - I found my moment and drew nearer. But knowing I shouldn’t take any more steps, I paused… my kids will be disappointed, my mother raised me better, Mike, oh god, what would Mike think and me - would I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I went through with this…

Catching my hesitation, he intensified his hold on me, probing me from a distance, and I felt weak in the knees; stopping to sit for a moment I glanced down at my exposed thighs - damn Abol sure had worked its’ magic - the definition was clearly lined, even my calves appeared a little more lifted. How could I ruin it all now, I believe in the ‘Law of 3’ and what goes around comes around, karma always finds a way…so how could I risk this…It wasn’t right to cave into the temptation and let him have me and I him; I would be punished.

Penalized how - I’m not sure, maybe my abs would turn back to flab and protrude past my belt loops (muffin tops are in - right?), or my thighs will lose their definition, my chins will return (all three of them) or maybe my extra ass will reform on my lower back…my knees could scream and refuse anymore lunges or side kicks and my progress could halt and revert. It’s hard to say what could really happen but, sadly, the power of belief is strong, and I believe punishment would follow if I was to continue on to him.

However, at the least, I could still be a gracious host and be so kind to escort him out and bid him farewell. I rose from my seated position, adjusted my whore skirt, and moved closer. I could feel the static between us intensify, electric waves encompassed us and closed us in…could I simply say goodbye and part on good terms.

The minutes slowed for me, paused momentarily, as the two critters on my shoulders debated. Ooo, I wanted him, he was fine, mighty fine; just what I liked. He wanted me too, I sensed it. He spoke not a word but I could hear him, he flirted without words - tempted without tongue. Oh god, the lure was too strong, I was being sucked in; why wasn’t my brain working - after all this was only lust - right? I could fight lust. Calm, breath, think of the consequences. Who would forgive me, could I look at anyone in the eyes, would my world stop and the fat drip back on? I really needed to find my strength.

I heard a noise from the side door. Someone was coming. I had to decide. He froze, motionless, like he did not want to be discovered by anyone but me. I tried to act nonchalantly, smothering my desires deep down so not to be too obvious to who was approaching and, damn, wouldn’t it figure, it was Mike.

Mike stepped in and stood still; glanced at me then turned his eyes to him. We formed a triangle the three of us; a scary, odd, love triangle of sorts. Could Mike read me, did he recognize the look in my eyes, what was my body language saying. I needed to make my move; I slowly stepped forward but it was too late - Mike was stepping towards him. Mike gave me an odd sideward’s glance - phew - he had no idea; he had not picked up on the vibes, the looks, my body language…he was none the wiser. But just the same he moved in towards him with his own purpose in mind, faster than I, Mike reached out and grabbed him!

Four mouthwatering bites later and it was done, he was gone, my big black, chocolate twisted donut stick was gone. Just like that. I felt empty, alone, and betrayed; I turned to return to the land of the living and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window…my legs looked hot, my tummy fell a bit flatter and my size 8 whore skirt was hanging a little loose…Life was good again.