Here is the original from Week 10 Prompt 43 - And your original comments follow:
Blogger Stephanie said...
Prompt 43
Fifty-three gowns in two days, he would prefer her in jeans. Six of her nine aunts “oooo” and “aaaah” while her mother dabs at tears and her granny zips, tucks and buttons one dress after another; her sister slouches on a red velvet divan and texts.
***
Watching the sun set from their windy seats atop of Cadillac Mountain, shades of red highlight the sky; the cold rock under them prevents them from putting on airs – so they sit in silence – holding hands. She’s like a little radiator, so warm –so soft, they snuggle closer and enjoy the moment; the past is not thought of, the future is not considered only the moment…so warm, so soft, so red.
***
He reclines back, feet elevated higher then his head; pulling of his socks, she rubs his feet. The kitchen timer signals supper is ready and she moves to set the table; two plates, two cups, two forks, all but the two red candles that do not leave the cupboard. He brings his plate to the recliner and flips on the Patriots game.
***
“Auntie, this is my friend Dixie. My auntie loves the Simpsons, check out this rubics cube of Homer’s head.” The three girls sit and watch episode 345 together, nervous laughter and side glances until her auntie brings out the brownies.
***
A few sprinkles of rain spatter against the windshield, “oh I hope their wedding does not get rained out” her mother frets.
“No matter what happens, it will be a good day” her granny declares, “red skies at night – sailor’s delight”
***
Fifty-fourth gown and the final fitting moments before the ceremony is to begin. She stands on the stool while her granny alters and hems; she tries hard to feel the rock beneath her and her warm, soft hand in hers.
***
“Your knees are ticklish; who are you going to marry? Barney? Big Bird? Michelangelo (the ninja turtle)?”
“Auntie, I wuv Barbie.”
***
Light headed, dizzy, and a desire to flee, she stands motionless. “Oh dear, I’m sorry sweetie, I did not mean to prick you with the pin.”
She looked down at her dress, granny pulling the pin from her skin - a trickle of red; she felt nothing.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 3:37:00 PM
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Blogger johngoldfine said...
I get a little lost in this one, stephanie--the little girl confuses me; she's the niece of the bride to be? And the Patriots game...before marriage???? Am I to understand that this fellow is such a lout that he doesn't realize he should at least try to fool his fiancee into believing that she will always take precedence over the kickoff (wait until the knot is tied before letting the truth come out, buddy!)
Or not? As I say, I got confused.
Friday, November 27, 2009 9:18:00 AM
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Flashbacks! Flashforwards too?
ReplyDeleteHer whole life running through her mind as that dress is fitted! Have I got that right? (But, as I've been saying to you, you need to be a little more reader-friendly. Even putting those flashbacks in italics would be very helpful.)
Anyway, if flashback is the key, I like both ends--past and present. But if that recliner scene is a flashforward, I still think the lout needs to get up and maybe set the table.