Week 8 Theme
Will they believe I have a headache? No, of course they won’t! Well, I don’t care – I have one and that is that and who wants to go to a party with a headache – not me! I do have a headache – don’t I…
I’m sure their Halloween party with be fun – I could pop a few Advil, leave and still make it to see all the costumes; my family is such a hoot at these parties but I don’t know…my head really hurts – I think…
It’s quite likely he will be there; he would sigh loudly and roll his eyes when I walked in and that would be the start of it. He would cock his head to the side, prop his foot up on an end table, rest his elbow on his knee and stare me down before he spewed out, “Look what the cat dragged in.” Plus, I’m sure they will all be smoking inside since the rain is coming down so hard and that will make my head hurt worse, it is a migraine now – well, I’m pretty sure it is…
Everyone will gather in the basement around the pool table and mini bar and they will laugh and act foolish; he will stand along the edge of the group – a bottle of Bud in one hand and a pool stick in the other but he won’t play; he will make small comments about how his night is ruined because I showed up. I will stay upstairs, with the sober folk, massage my temples and make it known my head is really hurting and I should leave early – it is the pain in my head why I wish to leave, I’m pretty sure…
They will understand if I just don’t make it, they know I would go if I could; when they hear how bad my head hurts I’m sure they will urge me to stay home, rest and feel better…No, no they won’t. They might speak sympathetically and pretend to believe me but they know he and I don’t get along – some will think I’m a chicken for avoiding him, some will think I’m rude for not letting bygones be bygones and others will turn the other cheek and pretend they don’t care one way or the other but none of them will be genuinely concerned for my state of well being - for having to endure this excruciating headache…
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I see this is giving you trouble. You're working hard and the work shows, but your reader is having to work nearly as hard as you to see where the irony is taking us. Too labored and complicated for a vignette, I'd say. They can be complex, maybe, but not complicated--they should be a picture we can take in with a glance.
ReplyDeleteHere's where I think the writing does take off:
It’s quite likely he will be there; he would sigh loudly and roll his eyes when I walked in and that would be the start of it. He would cock his head to the side, prop his foot up on an end table, rest his elbow on his knee and stare me down before he spewed out, “Look what the cat dragged in.” ...Everyone will gather in the basement around the pool table and mini bar and they will laugh and act foolish; he will stand along the edge of the group – a bottle of Bud in one hand and a pool stick in the other but he won’t play; he will make small comments about how his night is ruined because I showed up. I will stay upstairs, with the sober folk, massage my temples and make it known my head is really hurting and I should leave early.
Now that's a vignette! It's also a country song!